But I Won't Do That
by ilovesoccer13
Summary: When Lilly and Miley start to ignore Oliver to talk about "girl stuff", he feels left out, and decides to dress up as a girl and become friends with Miley and Lilly as "Olivia". Rated T just for safety, could probably pass as a K plus. Miley/Oliver


Oliver stood outside on his front porch, looking up at the stars. He was thinking about his best friends, Miley Stewart and Lilly Truscott, and how he had felt left out over the last summer. "Every time they start their stupid girl talk," Oliver thought. "I'm forced to leave." Oliver sighed as a faraway star blinked softly in the distance. "I wonder what they _do _talk about..." He stopped to ponder this for a moment, before he turned and headed back inside. He had enough to worry about: tomorrow was his first day in high school. He, Lilly and Miley would all be freshmen. He passed by his parents on the way to his room.

"Get some sleep son! You have a big day tomorrow!" Oliver's mother called. Oliver knew what was coming, but he couldn't get up the stairs to his room in time. His mother chased him to the stairs and spun him around, pinching his cheeks how she thought was gently. "My little Olliekins is growing up!" she cooed, finally releasing his vice-like grip on his face.

"Goodnight mom," Oliver muttered, turning and climbing the stairs to his room.

The next day, Oliver looked at his schedule. He had Mr. Morris for homeroom. He found the classroom, number 147, and went inside to find about twenty students. He only recognized a few people. One of them was Miley. Oliver smiled at her when she spotted him standing in the doorway, and Oliver tried not to blush when she smiled back. Ignoring the familiar butterflies he almost always got around Miley due to his crush on her, Oliver walked over and took the empty seat next to her.

"Hey Miley!" he said happily.

"Hey Oliver!" she replied, giving him a quick hug. "I hardly saw you at all this summer!"

Oliver's smile dimmed a little. "I guess you were kinda busy with Lilly, right?"

Miley's expression changed to match Oliver's. "Yeah, we did kinda hang out ALL summer I guess. How've you been?"

"Pretty good. I spent a lot of time getting pranked by Rico. The worst was the sand-flavored ice cream cone." Oliver shivered, and Miley laughed.

"Yeah, Jackson mentioned that. He said he had never seen anything so dumb in his life!"

"Hey! It's not my fault! Sand and ice cream look very similar!"

"Oliver...they kinda don't." Miley smirked at him. Oliver mock glared at her.

"So...where's Lilly?" Oliver eventually asked, looking around the room.

"Oh, we already compared and memorized each other's schedules. She has Mrs. Gargenschmargle for homeroom..." Miley said.

"Mrs. Gargenschmargle?" Oliver asked. "That's a mouth full. So what do you guys have first period?"

"Luckily, we both have Mrs. Mayfield for English. Not so luckily, we have English."

Oliver laughed. He looked down at his schedule. "Hey, me too!" Miley snatched it away from him and took hers out of her backpack, holding them up next to each other. When she was finished, she looked up at him with a smile.

"This is great Oliver! We have every class together except for Math and Gym! And if I remember correctly...you have every class with Lilly except for Science and Gym. Lilly and I have every class together except Math and Science, but we're in the same Gym class." Miley said quickly.

"Cool," Oliver said, glad that he got to spend almost every class with at least one of his friends.

"Hey Mr. Morris!" Oliver and Miley heard a familiar voice say. They turned around to see Jackson stroll into the room with a note in his hand.

"What now, Stewart?" Mr. Morris asked.

"Mrs. Jones in the office sent me to you with this note, sir," Jackson said, handing him the note. Mr. Morris scanned it quickly and then looked up at the class.

"Do I have a Josh in here?"

"Which one?" three voices said unanimously.

"Josh...Young."

The nerdiest kid in the classroom stood up. "Yes sir?"

"Your mom dropped off a spare pair of underwear in the office, go get it!" Mr. Morris commanded. Holding back laughter, Miley and Oliver watched the kid scamper out of the room.

"I thought my parents were bad," Oliver observed. He and Miley watched Jackson turn to leave.

"Bye Jackson!" Miley called with a wave. He looked oddly at her.

"Do I know you?" he asked, and before Miley could answer, he walked quickly out of the room. Miley glared after him.

Once Jackson was gone, Mr. Morris shouted, "Attention class!" Everyone went silent.

"My first duty as your homeroom teacher is to welcome you to our school, and to wish you a wonderful school year. My second duty is to issue out lockers!"

Ten minutes later, Oliver crouched down next to his bottom locker, taking things out of his backpack and grumpily shoving them into his locker. Miley, who of course just happened to end up with a top locker, had already finished and was down the hallway somewhere, probably seeking out Lilly. Oliver finished, shoving his backpack into his locker and slamming it shut. He stood up straight, looking over heads for Miley and Lilly. There were many more kids than he was used to. A lot of them had come from different middle schools. Fighting his way through the crowd and down the hall, Oliver finally reached Lilly and Miley. They were over at what he assumed was Lilly's locker, talking.

"Hey guys," Oliver said as he approached him. And that was when they gave him The Look. The Look that still haunted his dreams. The Look that had made him feel lonely all summer. It was the "we're talking about girl things so go away" look. Without saying a word Oliver turned around and went straight back to Mr. Morris's homeroom. Miley came in a few minutes later.

"Sorry, Oliver, we were talking about girl stuff, you wouldn't be interested."

On the contrary, Oliver thought that he would be very interested, but there was no way he would tell her that, so he just settled for a nod. When everyone was back in the room and settled down, Mr. Morris addressed them all.

"Alright, now that you've all been to you lockers, it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for!" he took out a flag, reminding them of someone, but they couldn't quite remember who. "Ready, set, school!" Mr. Morris waved his flag ecstatically and the kids walked slowly out of the classroom. Miley and Oliver searched for Mrs. Mayfield's room and found a spot next to Lilly.

"Good morning, class!" Mrs. Mayfield shouted before anyone could say anything. "I'm Mrs. Mayfield, and welcome to the English experience!"

The rest of their morning didn't go much differently. After suffering through another strange teacher with Miley in Science while Lilly was in a different Science class, the three of them headed off to lunch.

"Mystery meat," Miley read off the menu. "Same old cafeteria food. Good thing I brought my lunch!" she exclaimed happily. Lilly and Oliver groaned miserably. "It's ok guys, I'll share with you," Miley told them.

"Thanks Miley!" Lilly and Oliver chorused, and they took a seat at the nearest table. After a minute, they heard someone clear their throat behind them. They turned around to see none other than Amber and Ashely.

"Excuse me, but this is our table!" Amber said snobbishly.

"It's the first day of school!" Oliver protested.

"So?" Ashely asked.

"So back off!" Lilly exclaimed.

"Geez, ok," Amber and Ashely said together, and they went to go sit with the jocks.

"Thanks guys, I really didn't feel like dealing with them today," Miley said through a mouthful of food.

"No problem, we owe you for lunch anyway," they replied. Lilly and Miley did some more catching up with Oliver, but eventually the two girls began talking in hushed voices, occasionally looking quickly at Oliver and then back at each other. Oliver didn't even need The Look before he caught on and ate silently by himself.

He caught little phrases like "Tell him?" and "Not anytime soon!" and "Why not?", but eventually he blocked it out, finding time passed faster if he didn't listen.

After a few more classes and a particularly embaressing incident during gym involving the climbing rope that made Oliver wish he had worn a belt, the school day drew to a close. Oliver rode the bus home, thinking more about Lilly and Miley's talk at lunch. They had left him out of their conversations so many times that day, and each time made Oliver more curious about their conversation than the last.

"What can I possibly do to get them to include me so I can find out what they're talking about?" Oliver thought. And then the answer came to him. "What does one do the be included in girl talk?" Oliver asked aloud. "One becomes a girl."

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As soon as he got home, Oliver put his plan into action. First, he went into his parent's room while they were downstairs and got out his mom's makeup and a dress. He changed into the dress and put the makeup on, and even found a black wig (which scared him a little) to put on. He looked in the mirror when he was finished. He looked about as girly as he could get.

"Now to head to Miley's house," he thought. Oliver crawled out his window so that his parents wouldn't see him and freak out, calling, "Mom! I'm going to Miley's!"

He heard a faint, "OK!", so he got on his bike and headed to her neighborhood. He saw exactly what he hoped he would when he got there: Miley sitting in the grass outside, watching Lilly skateboard on the road. He stopped his bike, flattened down his dress, and walked over to the girls. Miley spotted him first, waving uncertainly. Finally Lilly saw him and stopped, walking back over to Miley.

"Hi!" Oliver said in a fake high voice.

"Hey," Miley and Lilly said, looking him up and down. A thought suddenly struck Oliver.

"Shoot!" he thought. "I didn't give myself..." he looked down at his chest and gave a sigh of relief. The dress was so poofy that you couldn't tell the difference.

Seeming to not notice anything, Miley asked him, "So...what's your name? And what brought you here?"

Oliver thought fast. Uh...my name's Olivia. I live nearby, so I was just going for a ride, when I happened to spot you."

"Cool," Lilly said. "You like skateboarding?"

"Yeah!" Oliver said, "I love it!"

"Awesome! Can you do a kick flip?"

"Sure, wanna see?" Lilly handed him her board, and Oliver did a kick flip, looking pretty comical in his dress.

"Um...why are you wearing a dress?" Miley asked. Oliver stared at her.

"Isn't this what you, I mean we, like to wear?" Oliver asked. It suddenly struck him that Miley and Lilly were always wearing a regular shirt and jeans. He tried not to look embarrassed.

"Well...I guess it's cool, if you like those kind of clothes," Miley said with a shrug. "I was just wondering."

Oliver shrugged too.

"Well...let's go inside, Lilly, it's getting hot out here. Olivia, would you like to come in?" Miley asked.

"Sure!" Oliver answered, following them inside. Robby Ray was in the kitchen.

"Hey dad, this is Olivia," Miley told him. Robby Ray eyed Oliver for a second, but then his face returned to normal.

"OK, you girls have fun!" Robby Ray told them.

"We will dad. Let's go to my room!" Miley exclaimed, and her and Lilly headed down the hall. Oliver tried to follow, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned around and saw Robby Ray.

"You sure you know what you're gettin' into, boy?" Robby Ray said with a smile.

"Is it really that obvious?" Oliver asked. Robby Ray smiled.

"Don't worry. The girls don't seem to suspect anything. Be careful you don't scare them though, my daughter might freak out if she thinks a girl's flirting with her, so try and keep it to a minimum."

Oliver glared, not bothering to ask how Robby Ray had found out about his crush on Miley.

"Now go ahead!" Robby said, shoving him down the hall. Oliver entered Miley's room to see Miley and Lilly engaged in their "girl talk". THey immediately stopped when he came in.

"Dang it," Oliver thought. "This is gonna take some work."

From that day onward, Oliver came over to Miley's house every day as Olivia. According to him, Olivia lived in a nearby neighborhood, and was home schooled, which was why she didn't go to their school. Pretty soon the three of them were best friends, and after two months Miley spoke to Olivia as much as she did Oliver, which meant twice as much talking for Oliver. This made Oliver feel more close to Miley than ever.

After school that day, Oliver got dressed as Olivia for what felt like the thousandth time. By now he wore a regular shirt and jeans, even stealing his mom's bras each day. Oliver didn't think of himself as a cross dresser, just a man on a mission, who was definitely straight. Why else would he be so curious about what Miley talked about when the real him wasn't around?

When Oliver arrived at Miley's house, he rang the doorbell, and Miley answered it. Lilly was already there, and they went straight to Miley's room, Oliver ignoring the daily wink he got from Robby Ray. This day was different from the rest. When the three of them sat down, Miley looked at Oliver seriously.

"Olivia, can you keep a secret?" she asked. Oliver nodded innocently.

"This is it!" he thought.

"Alright, I trust you," Miley told him, walking over to her closet.

"Oh! She's going to tell me she's Hannah Montana!" Oliver thought, preparing himself to fake shock.

"As you can see, this is my closet," Miley said, opening her closet. She moved the clothes aside. "And this... is _my closet!_" she wrenched the hidden doors open to reveal Hannah Montana's special closet. She looked him in the eyes. "I'm Hannah Montana." Oliver couldn't think of anything to say, so he just copied the only reaction he could think of, and faked a faint.

After a few minutes of pretending to be unconscious on the floor, Oliver opened his eyes and sat up slowly while he rubbed them, trying to look like he just woke up. Miley helped him up.

"Are you okay?" she asked as he sat on her bed. Miley and Lilly sat across from him on the couch.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Oliver replied. Miley laughed suddenly, looking over at Lilly.

"Who does that remind you of?" she asked Lilly with a grin. Lilly clapped her hand to her forehead.

"Oh, not him again! You're obsessed Miley!"

Miley giggled innocently. "I can't help it! He's so...perfect..."

"What?" Oliver asked, genuinely confused.

"Oh, just some guy she likes at school," Lilly said, rolling her eyes. Oliver felt his ears perk up.

"What guy?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, nobody," Miley said, erupting into a fit of giggles for absolutely no reason. Lilly and Oliver looked at each other oddly.

"What's his name?" Oliver asked, staring at Lilly. She stared back at him for a moment.

"His name is-ohmygodyou'rehim!" Lilly shouted; Oliver could almost hear the click in her brain. She stood up and dragged Miley back away from them. Miley looked confused; Oliver looked scared.

"What's going on?" Miley asked Lilly. Lilly pointed at Oliver.

"That's Oliver!"

"WHAT?" Miley asked. "You're cr..." she looked at him, and then Oliver saw the recognition on her face. "OLIVER!?" she screamed.

Oliver slowly pulled off his wig and took the bra off. "He he...I can explain?"

"EXPLAIN!? YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN!" Miley screamed. Even Lilly looked scared. Suddenly her eyes widened. "Oh my God...I can't believe we almost told you..." Her whole face went two shades darker.

"I think I hear my mom calling me!" Lilly ran from the room.

"Almost told me what?" Oliver asked.

"Who I liked!" Miley shouted.

"So...who cares if I know?" Oliver asked. "Why can't you just tell me?" Miley's face went another shade darker. She changed the subject.

"Why on earth did you dress up as a girl and come over to my house every day for two months?" Miley asked him. Now it was Oliver's turn to be embarrassed.

"Iwatoknwhayouguyswetalkinbout," he mumbled.

"What?" Miley asked. Oliver stood up suddenly.

"You know what? I'm sick and tired of you guys talking behind my back about your stupid 'girl talk', and leaving me out of the conversation, and to top it all off, you look at me every five seconds while you're doing it! That's why I friggin dressed up as a girl! To find out what you do when I'm not around!" He puffed angrily.

Miley looked at him shyly. "Er...well, Oliver, there's a reason for that..." she blushed again.

Oliver raised his eyebrows, thinking that he might have figured out what's going on. As an experiment, he walked over and stood next to her. "And what's the reason?" he whispered in her ear.

Miley shivered. "Um...well...er..." She stuttered, avoiding his eyes. His beliefs confirmed, Oliver put his hand on her chin.

"Yes?" he whispered again. Miley stared at him, breathing against his face. She finally couldn't take it anymore and practically threw herself against him, pressing her lips against his. Miley put her arms around his neck and Oliver put his hands on her hips. Oliver smiled against her lips, and she giggled. While her mouth was open, Oliver deepened the kiss and slowly entered her mouth with his tongue. Miley moaned softly, running her hand through his hair. Without breaking the kiss, Oliver lowered them onto the couch. He bit down on her bottom lip, and Miley moaned again. Eventually Oliver pulled away.

"I love you," he breathed out, looking down at her. His eyes widened. "Er...I mean..." Miley pressed her lips to his.

"It's ok, Oliver. I...think I love you too," Miley told him. Oliver grinned.

"I love both of you, now please get off my daughter!" Robby Ray's voice came from the doorway. Oliver moved so quickly Miley could barely blink and he was off the couch. "Thank you son, now please exit through this door, the ride is officially over!" Robby pointed at the door next to him.

"Yes sir," Oliver said with his head down, moving past him.

"Er...bye Oliver!" Miley called.

"Bye..." Oliver mumbled nervously from down the hall. Robby Ray turned to face Miley.

"Hey Daddy!" Miley said with an innocent smile, knowing she was in deep trouble.

"Hey baby!" Robby said, sitting down next to her with an equally innocent smile and putting his arm around her. "Guess what?"

"What?" Miley asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes up at her father. He smiled down at her fakely.

"You're grounded."


End file.
